No Answers

Oct. 31st, 2010 03:25 pm
seesonlysmoke: (Serious bzns)
[personal profile] seesonlysmoke
He liked living at the rock house. More to the point, he liked living in the same house as Ryan and doing things with her. Over the past few weeks since he'd healed they had grown steadily closer, and while he might not be very experienced, he wasn't totally innocent or an idiot. They had talked of friendship, and they had hugged...no, held each other. He couldn't deny, to himself at least, that he had feelings for her, but he wasn't sure what to do about them. His conservative and religious background made him uncertain how to progress without looking foolish, or even if he should. When he managed to dream, as opposed to the regular nightmares, Ryan was now in them instead of Sufi, but that had gone so wrong with her, he was afraid to have the same thing happen with Ryan. There was Ryan herself. Altaaf could sense she was also dealing with something in her past. Had she been let down by someone and was she still waiting for them to return? Did her 'uncle' Alex have something to do with it? If so, was he prepared to get in the way of that?

But she was the only person he was sure accepted him and what he had done. Even though he now had documents legalizing his presence in America (thanks to Ryan's aunt), he was still reticent to go out, except without Ryan. He had seen enough reports on the TV to know how many would see his skin and hear his accent and assume he was an Islamist terrorist...which, of course, he had been. Even those drunks at that bar had called him an Arab, factually wrong, but the message was clear enough. He wondered if he should pretend to be Hindu as he was familiar enough with his adopted mother's religion, but he was already struggling with his true faith, so would denying it help him?

That was something he continued to wrestle with every day. Some days he believed Allah had not deserted him, other days he felt no reason to still believe thanks to Hilal. If all his teachings had been lies, did that make everything?

One day, after leaving a small note for Ryan just saying he was going out for a ride, he had taken the Harley and rode to where he had found the closest Islamic centre. Prayers were just starting when he arrived, so he quietly joined them. The cleric's sermon was one of peace and tolerance, so refreshing and different from the lessons he had learned in the Peshwar madrassas, but there was also so little he could relate to. He stole a look at the others praying with him. Most were dressed in regular business attire or street clothes, whereas he wore a kurta. Maybe it was just this area, but after, when he overhead some conversations, they sounded as American as Ryan. The disconnect he had felt was emphasized even more. What did these men know of war and what drove a good Muslim to the radicals? Each man who had been in his cell had told a story of trauma, poverty, of family being killed, being beaten by police, or losing limbs to mines all of which had forced them to flee Kashmir for Pakistan. Even the corrupt and evil Hilal had survived torture and death at the hands of the Soviets. Such brutality turned men into jihadists. What did these Americanized, middle class Muslims in their comfortable lives know about seeing your parents and sister murdered? He felt the anger and unreasonable hatred well up inside and sought to leave as quickly as possible. Although he had overcome most of the manipulation and brainwashing Hilal achieved on him, he hadn't managed to escape it fully.

He had wanted to speak with the Imam, or someone, about his confusion, but he felt so out of place here. This was so different from what he had known. Perhaps Allah had abandoned him, after all, sickened by what he had tried to do in His Name. He was almost out of the door when an elder stopped him.

"You are new here?" Altaaf nodded. "I noticed you looked...restless." Altaaf shrugged, just wanting to go back to Ryan's home. Sensing he would not get much out of the young man, the elder relented. "Well, you are welcome to come here again. It looks like you've been through much." That earned the man a sharp, guarded glance, and he pointed to the older scars, one above Altaaf's eye, the other on the back of his hand which he quickly buried in his jacket. "Those. God is here for you."

He could sense the man's sincerity, but perhaps he was too jaded, still too hurt to trust such an invitation. Perhaps his own failure made it wrong. "Is He?" He sighed. "I will think about it. Salaam alaikyum." Not even waiting for a response, he walked out and to the Harley.

He hadn't even reached the bike when someone passed him, and he heard him mutter none too quietly under his breath, "Fucking A-Rab." He pretended to ignore it and once on the bike, rode home. For a trip that was supposed to help sort his confusion out, he returned just as confused and more angry.

Back at the rock house, Altaaf thought about finding Ryan, but what would he tell her? Instead, he went to the kitchen and looked into the refrigerator to grab a Pepsi and he saw the beer in there as well. He was angry, angry at himself, angry at people who didn't understand, angry at God. What would Allah do if he had a beer? Nothing. And only Ryan understood, and she drank alcohol. He took a bottle, opened it, and after a moment's more consideration, took a sip. He frowned at the taste, not sure if he liked it or not, so he took another. It didn't help to make his head any clearer. After he had drank almost half, he set it back on the countertop, partly from being unsure if he liked the taste still, and partly because due to guilt.

Sighing, Altaaf headed to his room, and where he once might have laid out his prayer mat and prayed, he just laid down on his bed.

Date: 2010-10-31 10:40 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] theprivate-ryan.livejournal.com
"Knock, knock..." Ryan had been at the grocery store in town, when Altaaf had left. She stopped by the Petco, grunting and swearing up a storm as she wrestled the huge bag of Rocker's food into her truck. Some days, she thought it might be easier to just let the dog eat the cat. It was all a good distraction from the repeated fantasy thoughts she had been having about her housemate. Simple fact was, she was trying to decide if she was just horny after a long time without a man, or if it was something more.

Much, much more.

When Altaaf came in, she had been taking a shower, and she found the half drunk bottle of beer on the kitchen counter. Ryan didn't care about him drinking, if that was what he wanted, but she did care that he was doing something like this so abruptly, when it was so unlike him.

She had rapped gently on his door, and called to him, then cracked it open to see him lying on his bed. "It's just me. You need some company or would you rather be alone?"

Date: 2010-11-02 03:10 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] seesonlysmoke.livejournal.com
Altaaf had just been lying there, propped up against the headboard. At first, he felt like just ignoring Ryan or tell her that yes, he would rather be alone for now. Then he looked up at the cracked open door and her concerned eyes looking in at him. He nodded, and realizing that didn't answer her question, he spoke softly. "Some company, please."

He swung his legs off the bed, so that he was sitting on the side rather than lying down, and sighed heavily as he looked to Ryan approach.

Date: 2010-11-10 12:14 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] theprivate-ryan.livejournal.com
"That's one heavy sigh." Ryan sat down on the floor, crosslegged, at his feet. She had no idea if it was proper for her to sit on a bed with him, now that he was healed, and she decided not to push it.

"Alexei once told me that when someone acts out of character, it might be time to have a talk...of course, Alex was always a Nosy Nellie that way." Ryan gave him a soft smile, one that was not at all judging. "Is there something I can help with? I really would like to, or just listen, if you want to talk."

Date: 2010-11-17 05:08 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] seesonlysmoke.livejournal.com
He had half expected Ryan to sit next to him -- and he wouldn't have minded if she had -- but when she didn't, he wasn't comfortable with sitting higher than her and slipped off the bed to sit, crosslegged, across from her.

Looking down, Altaaf felt embarrassed that she had found the half-drunk beer, and he felt weak for doing that. He tried to smile at her, but it wasn't very convincing. "I am so very for everything you have done for me. Everything, and I am happier here than anywhere I really remember." Now that he had started talking, he found it hard to stop the words coming. "You have given me so much, you and your family, and I like it here so much." He paused, worried that she might get the wrong idea, that he no longer wanted to live here with her. "I am so much happier here, but I am not fully happy. It is not your fault, you have given me what I do have. It's what I do not. I'm so confused, Ryan. About what happened in Kashmir, America...my....faith. I have always prayed to Allah, and He is not there for me now." His hazel eyes showed his inner pain and conflict. "I do not even know if I still want to pray to Him, if I am still a Muslim." There were also his growing feelings for Ryan, but he didn't know how he could voice them yet.

Date: 2010-11-28 08:29 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] theprivate-ryan.livejournal.com
"Ouch...crisis of faith, huh?" Ryan reached over and took his hand, and smiled a little, nodding and really paying attention to everything he was saying. "Well, I can't really blame you for that, since things really sucked at the end while you were there. I've never been a very religious person, and I'm not a Muslim, so I can't fully tell you anything about that."

She moved a bit closer, looking up at him, from underneath, kind of looking up as he was looking down. "Altaaf, seriously...you just had your whole world and life turned upside down. I mean, everything...EVERTHING...that you thought you knew was blown out of the water. You can't be hard on yourself, especially for questioning the safety of a religion that was so important in every aspect of your world."

Tentatively, she reached over to cup his cheek with her hand. Her green eyes were soft with both her concern and her care for him. "Altaaf, God is there. But my Gran used to say that the good Lord helps those who help themselves. Maybe God is kind of...I don't know...holding back? Maybe he's waiting for you to figure out what you want and need? He gave man free will so that we can choose our path. He could just be waiting for you to say what path you want to travel."

She kissed his cheek, quickly, before she could talk herself out of it. Her own feelings for this quiet man were growing, and she found herself in very unfamiliar territory, because she had never been more worried about feelings that she was about sex. It was definitely a new place. "I'm happier, too. I'm happier with you here."

Date: 2010-12-01 06:07 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] seesonlysmoke.livejournal.com
Altaaf looked back at Ryan with earnest eyes. He had come to rely on her so much. She had such a different way of looking at things, from angles that he would never have thought of, and he appreciated it. To him what she said made such sense.

But it was still a lot to wrap his mind around. He squeezed Ryan's hand, and without even realizing, he pressed his cheek against her warm, soft hand. "I feel so mixed up inside. Does God not listen anymore because of what I've done, because I believed Hilal? Or did Hilal so lie to me about Islam that I can't recognize God anymore? I went to mosque today. I thought to talk to someone, another Muslim -- a cleric -- and when I was there I looked to the others praying, and I didn't belong. I was not of their world, and they are not of mine. They can't understand what I did, why I did. I feel that everyone who looks at me can see I was a jihadist." He sighed, no more at ease than he had been. "With Hilal there was no free will, only his will, which we all believed came from Allah."

He leant towards her. "I don't know what to think anymore, Ryan." His eyes closed as she kissed his cheek, and those other confusing thoughts and feelings for this caring, fun and beautiful young woman in front of him. Should he tell her? "Ryan, I...I." Maybe he shouldn't and embarrass himself and possibly her, and it was normal for him to put his emotional and sexual feeling aside, mostly. "I'm sorry I took that beer."
Edited Date: 2010-12-01 06:30 pm (UTC)

Date: 2010-12-01 06:59 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] theprivate-ryan.livejournal.com
"No one can see that you were a jihadist, Altaaf. You're...what does Aunt Caro call that? Projecting. That's it. You're just projecting your own hurt and guilt on other people." Ryan signed, shaking her head. "Altaaf, don't you see how amazing you are? You're handsome and honest and caring and brave. Believe me, that is so rare, in this world. Hilal used all of those wonderful qualities in you, including your loyalty, to warp it around his sick, twisted need for power and evil. He used you, and you don't have anything to feel ashamed of." She took his face in both her hands, boldly, more bold than she usually was with him. "God didn't send Hilal, or even your adopted father. Fate and destiny are crazy things, but you paid dearly for things you did, and for things other people did to you. Now it's all a clean slate." Ryan looked deep into his eyes, her own green ones so earnest and full of care.

"I don't care about the beer. Don't ever apologize to me for feeling what you feel or acting on that. If you want a beer, then drink it. If you want to dance, then do it. If you want to pray, then do it with all your heart." Ryan looked into his eyes for a long, long moment, just trying to decide what to do, and if the risk was worth it. "Life isn't a dress rehearsal, Altaaf. We only get this one time around, and it's all too short to spend our time looking in the rear view mirror, beating ourselves up for a past we cannot undo. So let it go, because there are such wonderful things ahead for you, so much living to do, and God is listening to you. But are you listening to HIM?" She stroked her thumbs over his cheekbones, not backing off or letting him crawl back into a shell, not without saying what she needed to. "Maybe God is the one who guided you here, to this new life, to leave the old one behind and grab onto a second chance. Do you know how many people never get that? You have GOT to embrace this new life, Altaaf, or it will just pass you by, and I would hate that, because I...you see, I..."

Ryan hesitated for a minute, and then she just leaned forward to kiss him. This was no friendly peck, like in the past, or a fake kiss to fool others. This was a real kiss, from the heart, and she slid her hands up around his neck, hoping that he wouldn't push her away. It was a passionate kiss, but waiting for his response, to see if he would deepen it, or break it. Now the ball was in his court.

Date: 2010-12-15 04:14 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] seesonlysmoke.livejournal.com
It was so hard for Altaaf to accept that he had all those qualities Ryan listed. Sure, he was some of those things sometimes, maybe (except handsome, yes he looked after his body, but he never thought how others might see him), but everything else he'd been a part of, not to mention the vengeance that had driven him, had swallowed much of those up. "But I hurt people I cared for, used them, killed them. I am ashamed of that, and I am ashamed of how Hilal manipulated me. He didn't move when she held his face, although he looked back at her clearly conflicted and not even thinking of how close they were. "A clean slate? Is that possible after the last ten years?"

He gave her a little, almost wry, smile. "I don't know if I liked it or not. It was different. I just...just wanted to see Allah would show His disapproval." As Ryan paused, he just held her gaze, just as he was holding on to and listening to every word she said. "I try to listen. I pray hard, but I hear nothing. He did want to retreat, if only to try and get a grip on the whirlwind of thoughts running through his mind. Everything she said made sense, and it might be easier if that was the only thing on his mind. "But I don't know how..."

Before he could finish his sentence, Ryan's lips were pressed against his. She took his so by surprise that his mouth was still open. Briefly, he did pull back from her, just a little, just stunned, and there was little response from him as he tried to process this development. Was this like the kiss she gave him in the bar? Was this something else? It wasn't until her arms went around his neck that he stopped thinking so much, except for the thought that he wanted this. He responded, slowly at first, but it was a definitely deepening of the kiss, enjoying the taste of her. There was only one little, slight problem...he wasn't certain what to do with his hands. How should he hold her? Should he hold her? He didn't want to make a wrong move with her. In the end, he gingerly rested his hands on her shoulders a little awkwardly.

Date: 2011-01-06 01:00 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] theprivate-ryan.livejournal.com
"Everything is possible." Ryan whispered against his lips, then smiled up into his eyes. "I promise, Altaaf, I don't break. You can touch me, hold me. Maybe you're not listening to what is right in front of you." Then, she kissed him again, slow and sweet, coaxing him more into her arms. Ryan ran her fingers over his face, then down his jaw, before stroking over his neck. By the time she was at his shoulders, she was definitely into it, her tongue dancing and teasing his.

"You think too much, sometimes." She broke the kiss, but just kissed along his jawline, down to his neck. "All that old stuff is gone. There is just the here and now, and if you only get one ride through life, you really ought to live it, don't you think?" Her smile was both pleased and encouraging, and she backed off just a tiny bit, to see if he really wanted to go forward, or if he would pull away.

Date: 2011-01-13 04:14 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] seesonlysmoke.livejournal.com
The more Ryan touched his face and neck, the more sure he became with her. Those awkward hands moved slowly up from her arms towards her face where Altaaf held her gently. His eyes searched hers when she broke away, and he smiled back at her. She was wonderful to kiss, soft and warm and so inviting. "From now on, I will listen to what is right in front of me, and I will try not to think so much."

It was as if her fingers helped disspell all his doubts and worries. "Can you show me ride through life, so I can live it and enjoy it like you do?" Quite naturally his head tipped to one side as she kissed his neck, and that was so pleasant a small moan escape his lips. There was a brief puzzled glance at her when she pulled back, and he wondered if Ryan had had enough. Taking her advice, he let his hands slip back into her hair and leaning forward cautiously kissed her. It was light at first, unsure and tentative until he was confident that his kisses were welcome. Then he kissed her deeply.

Altaaf had listened and his thoughts were put aside, enjoying exploring her mouth, his tongue mimicking hers as his body naturally shifted closer to hers.

Date: 2011-01-25 03:26 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] theprivate-ryan.livejournal.com
"I think I can do that." She had a gleam in her eyes, thinking of all the fun things that they can do, and explore. "But don't be worried about anything. If you need time, we can take time. If you want more, then I want to be the one you want. I care about you so much. I admire you." She had spoken between kisses, her voice rough and breathless, a few soft moans of her own punctuating the words and kisses.

Altaaf was so warm and solid, so safe and trusting. In a way, he was bringing out the better sides of her, and that was kind of a welcome change from the bad boys. Ryan slid her fingers over his muscles, while their tongues danced. He tasted of the beer, and it was really good to feel that closeness and pleasure of being held. "Altaaf...how...how far do you want to go? Have you...I mean, I know that you..." She didn't know how to ask the young Kashmiri if he was a virgin. Did he even want to sleep with her yet? Ryan didn't know. She pressed her lips to his cheek, and kissed him down his jaw, to his ear and his neck. "Tell me what you want..."

Date: 2011-01-28 05:54 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] seesonlysmoke.livejournal.com
"I do want you." It was no more than a whisper against her skin. He did, more than anything. Altaaf just didn't really know how to voice exactly how he was feeling, only that he liked Ryan so very much, and he liked this. The doubts on his faith were still there -- and he didn't pause to think what Allah would think -- but shoved away to a corner of his mind.

His forehead touched against Ryan's as she struggled to ask him the question that he could guess. He wasn't very experienced with sex at all, he knew that. "Once." It had been with Sufi, by the lake, and as much as he had enjoyed that, Altaaf knew it had been more of a fumble than a tumble. They hadn't even fully undressed. And his betrayal of her after didn't help. He let out a soft moan as her lips reached his neck. Wanting to tell her what he wanted, he wasn't sure how, and it wasn't just a language issue. It was not something his culture spoke freely of, and certainly not under Hilal's tutelage. "I want...want...sex?" Tentative fingers brushed along her jawline and neck, and to the edge of her top. Such warm, soft skin that he couldn't stop from kissing her right there. "I want sex with you."

Date: 2011-02-07 01:22 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] theprivate-ryan.livejournal.com
"Good...because that's what I want, too." Ryan was in a very strange position, for the first time in her life, as the seducer, not the one being seduced. While it was a powerful feeling, it was also one that held a sense of responsibility to it. In that way, she was very different from the men who were there for her first time. Ryan doubted very much if either Alex or Frankie gave any thought to her emotional health, on that altar, and she didn't regret what she did, but she wanted something more for Altaaf, here.

Ryan's head fell back, when he kissed her along the edge of her top. A moan of her own sounded loud to her ears, though she knew it wasn't. "For someone who has only done this once, you really are a natural at it." She smiled and lightly teased him, kissing him along his jaw and neck, then up to his lips. "Come with me..." Altaaf's room was comfortable, but his prayer mat was there, and her room had other comforts that might enhance their night. Ryan took his hand, and led him across the hall to her bedroom. It was dimly lit, which was perfect, and she kept her eyes on him, as she guided him to the bed. Ryan sat, and looked up at him, stroking her hand over his abs and chest. Finally, she leaned up to put her hand on the back of his neck, while she kissed him, urging him to lay with her.

Date: 2011-02-11 01:03 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] seesonlysmoke.livejournal.com
Taking her hand, Altaaf stood and followed Ryan to her bedroom. He wondered if this was a dream, and then he thought, if it was he hoped he wouldn't wake any time soon. He glanced around her room quickly before turning his eyes to what he really wanted to look at, Ryan.

As he stood in front of her, Altaaf felt a mix of excitement and nerves, especially ran her hand over his torso. His head bent at her touch and kissed her enthusiastically as under Ryan's guidance, he was naturally led onto the the bed. Lying next to her, he put his hand on her waist, still kissing her and enjoying, even with their clothes still on, being close enough for their bodies to touch. "Ryan...." He murmured to her softly between kisses.

Date: 2011-02-12 08:54 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] theprivate-ryan.livejournal.com
Their first time together would be beautiful, she knew that. But she knew that his inexperience would mean that she would need to guide him towards pleasure, without pushing him with things he wasn't ready for, quite yet. Ryan reached down and pulled up her T-shirt, tugging it over her head and tossing it away. Then she unsnapped the front hook of her bra, and pulled it off. If that little Sufi chick had been with him one time, Ryan was willing to bet that it had not been the best, because the culture they lived in was so restrictive. To contrast it, she wanted to be delightfully light and free, and indulge all of his senses.

"I've wanted you to touch me, for so long." She guided his hand, with hers, up to her breast. "You are so beautiful, inside...outside...I care so much about you. You are safe with me, Altaaf. I will never lie to you or betray you. I want you to be happy and feel good."

Date: 2011-02-21 03:19 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] seesonlysmoke.livejournal.com
Altaaf felt increasingly eager, especially once Ryan took off her t-shirt, and when she unhooked her bra, his eyes grew large. It was clear that while he had had sex before, it hadn't been this intimate. He loved how her breasts looked, and as she guided his hand up, he didn't hesitate.

At first, he wasn't too sure what to do aside from just cupping her breast, but slowly, he stroked over her soft skin, enjoying how it moved under his hand. "I've dreamed of touching you." He was surprised at how rough and breathless his voice sounded. "Ryan...you are the best, most beautiful woman I have ever known...the only one who has been true to me....and so beautiful..." He moaned softly and, lower down, trying to rub himself against her, even as his hand brushed, accidentally, over her nipple.

Date: 2011-02-22 12:55 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] theprivate-ryan.livejournal.com
"Mmmmm, you are very good at the pillow talk." She teased him, gently, as she kissed him. His hand was so good, strong and yet gentle. It had been a long time since she had been touched at all, and in all honesty, she had never been touched with this kind of sweet, loving eagerness. When he brushed over her nipple, she arched her back, moaning deeply, her breath catching at the end. "We need to do something about these clothes."

Ryan shimmied out of her shorts and her panties, and then began to take Altaaf's clothes off of him, first pulling his shirt off. His body was so amazing, she kissed down his chest, and brushed her lips over his nipple, as she undid his pants. "I want to feel all of you, against me."

Finally, she pulled him over her, urging him silently to cover her with his body, to touch her flesh with his. Ryan put her hands on both sides of his face, stroking his hair and looking into his eyes. "You are so beautiful, and so sweet and kind. I'm really happy, Altaaf, with you here. I've waited a long time for someone who treated me like this." She felt a lot of things that she couldn't express, in part because of the pure pleasure of his warm flesh against hers. She stroked down his neck, jaw, shoulders and back. "You feel so good. Just perfect." Ryan kissed him, passionately, fiercely, her leg bending and her thigh caressing against his hip.

Date: 2011-03-01 06:58 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] seesonlysmoke.livejournal.com
When Ryan moaned, he looked up at her and then smiled as he realized how he had done that, and he only wanted to touch her more. All he could do was watch as she wriggled out of the rest of her clothes. Altaaf had never seen a woman naked before, definitely not in the flesh, and all he could do was stare at her, but it was clear that he was liking what he saw. As Ryan pulled his clothes off, he was exploring her with his fingers. Over her breasts and over her stomach before circling over her hip. He loved the feel of her soft skin, but he didn't quite have the nerve to touch lower, between her legs.

"Oh!" That was the sound he made when her lips touched his nipple, but it made him ache even more. He barely had time to think about that before he found himself on top of her. She was so warm and soft against his own flesh. Looking back on her, he nodded and tried to speak, but it mostly came out in a mix of Kashmiri and gibberish, except for a whispered. "Ryan." But it was getting difficult to think, let alone speak.

His body knew what to do, even if this was so different from that time with Sufi. Just barely he knew he was so close to the edge. It had been so long, and he felt so deeply for Ryan. Moaning, he kissed her back just as fiercely, and when she stroked her leg against him, he naturally shifted so that he could push inside her. That deep, hot pleasure made him moan again, and then he shuddered, unable to hold back and lost control as his orgasm crashed through him.

Date: 2011-03-06 09:06 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] theprivate-ryan.livejournal.com
Ryan knew he was very close. She also knew that their first time was going to be something unique and special, in her own experience. It was strange, for her, to be the one in the lead, the experienced lover in the pair. But, in all honesty, she kind of liked it. It felt powerful, and also quite accomplished, as though she was doing something for him that was making him happy, when she knew he had been so lost, for so long.

She chuckled very softly, when he spoke in that mixture of things that she couldn't understand, except for her name. The kiss, as he pushed himself inside of her, broke, because she moaned with great pleasure. It really HAD been a while, since she had been with anyone, and while she had not climaxed, she certainly had reached an emotional orgasm, a rush of feelings so strong and so powerful, she didn't even care about anything else with herself. Besides, how HOT was it that he lost all control, so fast, just being inside of her? It was a powerful feeling, a very pleasurable, and she smiled, between kisses along his jaw and neck, thinking of all the wonderful things she could show and share with him. They had all the time in the world, tucked away in her home.

Ryan watched his face, all of the pleasure and wonder and open sensuality of it, and just held him close to her. When his pulse slowed and he was breathing normally, again, she moved so he could lay back and rest. Ryan laid close to him, her hand on his chest with her chin resting on it, just watching him recover, a pleased and gentle smile on her face. "That was amazing...YOU are amazing."

Date: 2011-03-08 07:48 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] seesonlysmoke.livejournal.com
For as quick as that was, Altaaf was still breathing fairly hard as he supported himself above this beautiful, wonderful woman who saved him and become the central person in his life. Even that once with Sufi had not been so, so intense. He shuddered again as he came down from that high, taking deep pleasure in her kisses. Right in this moment, nothing else mattered, not his past, not his faith, just him and Ryan. It wouldn't last forever, that stuff would all come back later, he knew that, but for now...this was all that mattered.

As Ryan shifted, he rolled onto his back with a small, contented smile. After a moment of just looking up at the ceiling, taking what had just happened in, Altaaf looked down where Ryan was propped up on his broad chest. "No, you are amazing. I was...I was...too fast, wasn't I?" He paused for just a moment, such a topic didn't come easy for him. "I want to give you pleasure as well."

Date: 2011-03-11 05:41 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] theprivate-ryan.livejournal.com
"You were perfect. Believe me, you gave me a lot of pleasure, the way you touch me and kiss me, hold me. You felt so good, inside of me, like we were made for each other." Ryan kissed his chest, slowly and lightly flicking his flesh with her tongue. Her smile was wicked, and held promise of many pleasures to come.

"Altaaf, we have all the time in the world. So many fun things to try and explore. Next time, it will last longer, but I loved this. You are so beautiful, when you let yourself go." She stroked over his chest, with her hand, looking happier than she had been in a very long time.

Date: 2011-03-14 09:07 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] seesonlysmoke.livejournal.com
Her tongue and lips tickled his skin in a most delightful way, and as he looked down, he saw -- and liked -- how Ryan's body half covered his and how their legs tangled together, and how they were lying so comfortably together naked. It surprised him, a little, just how happy he felt. "I hope I did, and I want to give you more. And you are so beautiful, how can I not kiss, touch you as I do." Altaaf met her eyes, and though he didn't get the full meaning of that wicked look, he understood enough that he would surely like it.

"I want to explore with you. I want you to show me more." His hand stroked over Ryan's back. She had such lovely soft skin all over. He even dared to reach as far as he could stretch to touch her lovely round bottom.

Date: 2011-03-18 07:04 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] theprivate-ryan.livejournal.com
"I've been called a lot of things, Altaaf, but never beautiful. That's what my aunt is. I'm...cute. Guys never call me that." Ryan was nothing if not realistic and pragmatic, when it came to her own looks. Carolina made men drool. Ryan just made them mad, or made them laugh.

"Oh, there is a lot more to show." She purred, letting her own hands explore his amazing body. They had come so far, over the months, and she was surprised, given their opposite personalities. She sat up more, to lay her chin on his chest and look at him. "I think I know where we can start, that is, as long as you aren't too tired." Ryan kissed over his chest, while her hands moved down, over his flat abs and down, farther.

Date: 2011-03-22 08:57 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] seesonlysmoke.livejournal.com
He was so surprised to hear her say that it showed on his face. Granted he didn't know Carolina well, but to him her beauty was the glamorous beauty of a movie star, and to him, at least, Ryan's was different, more natural and deeper than just her skin. "Well, I am calling you that because it is true. All of you."

The feel of her hand over skin was something he always wanted to feel, it was that good. Still looking down at her, she had his undivided and complete attention. "No, I'm not tired at all." And he was happy for her to show him, lead him. As Ryan's hand went lower, and his skin jumped as she hit a nerve just by his hip, Altaaf's breathing became more rapid. When she reached his still flaccid flesh, he jumped, but he also smiled.

Date: 2011-03-27 05:21 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] theprivate-ryan.livejournal.com
At first, she thought about arguing that her butt was too round and her thighs too big, but instead, she just took the compliment. That was definitely a sign of her regard for him, because she argued with everyone, about everything. "Thank you. It means a lot, from you."

"Relax...I think I know something you will really like. Close your eyes. Just let yourself feel, and let go. Trust me, this is good. It is new, but it is good." Ryan reached up with one hand, closing his eyelids, then she went to work...the best kind of work...kissing his neck, then down to his chest, licking over one, then the other, nipple. She took her time, not in any hurry, just adoring him and worshipping his body with kisses, licks, strokes of her hands.

After several long, lovely minutes, she reached his groin, and peeked up to see if his eyes were shut. "No peeking. Just let yourself feel." Ryan was very good at oral sex, but this time she was not just trying to perform. This time she was loving him, opening letting her affection show through her touch. She worried that his culture and religion might make him uncomfortable with this, but she was so gentle and delicate in her touch, she tried to keep him at ease.

Ryan took his cock in her hand, and she kissed it, then licked gently. She could taste herself, and that made her smile, before she took him into her mouth, sucking softly, at first, then with more rhythm. Ryan was trying to tell from his breathing and reactions, as to whether or not he was enjoying this very new experience. She had never known a guy who didn't enjoy it, but there could always be a first time.

Date: 2011-04-02 01:40 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] seesonlysmoke.livejournal.com
He did trust her. "Okay." It was no more than a whisper as he laid back to follow her instructions. His eyes closed beneath her fingers, letting out a long, relaxing breath, Altaaf let himself focus on her touches.

And what lovely touches they were. Soft, but heated kisses warmed his skin. Twice he made small, surprised noises as she licked his nipples and the small jolt of excitement that Ryan made run through him. When he realized just where her mouth was heading, he did look down briefly but then made himself lie back once again, eyes firmly closed.

Altaaf tensed when she kissed him there, a noise -- which may have been a moan -- escaped when she licked across his crown. Fingers curled tightly into the bed covers when her mouth surrounded him. In his mind, there was confusion as he tried to recall if such an act was forbidden, but then he shouldn't even have sex with her at all as they weren't married. Nature asserted itself, however, and Altaaf was a young, healthy man who's sexual urges had been repressed throughout his adolescence. He shoved aside his doubts and let himself feel because what Ryan was doing, sucking on him like that felt awesome. How could it be wrong?

Tension slowly left him, giving way to more moans, more intense moans. "Ryan...oh, Ryan." Eyes still shut he reached out for her, feeling her hair. A knot of excitement was building deep inside him, and as she built up that steady rhythm each time she sucked on him, he knew he would again soon release. But should he? With him in her mouth? "Ryan...please..." He tried to tell her that he was close to coming.

Date: 2011-04-18 12:08 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] theprivate-ryan.livejournal.com
Ryan was way more experienced, enough so that she knew he was close. But she didn't want to let him come in her mouth, not this time. For one thing, she figured that might be a bit strange for him, given his upbringing. For another, she wanted him inside of her.

She pulled off of him, with a wicked smile, and grasped his cock just right, so that he stayed hard without coming. "Please...what? Please please me? Oh, I intend to."

He looked so beautiful there, on his back, so she climbed over him and guided him up inside of her. Ryan arched her back like a wave, as he pushed inside of her heat, all hard and slick, ready for another round. Thanks to the play up to this, and the position she was in, it only took a couple of strokes before she was coming, fully exposed to his view, as she grabbed his hands, pulling them to her hips.

"Altaaf...yes...there..." Her hair was a wild mess of curls, and she was now giving him a show to go with all those lovely sensations.

Date: 2011-04-26 07:48 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] seesonlysmoke.livejournal.com
"Ohhh!" Altaaf gasped as she took hold of him so firmly and holding him back from the edge. He nodded. "Please..." Ryan had him so aroused, he couldn't think. He had never treated like this before, didn't think it could be possible to feel like this.

And then it just got better!

He moaned deeply as Ryan slipped onto him, fighting not to orgasm the instant he was inside her as he did before. But if before had been incredible this was...this was...he could think of no words. With Ryan on him, he gazed up at her, eyes wide as he took in every inch of her body stretched as she moved on him. It was the most beautiful sight. Not that Altaaf had long to linger on that as her muscles tightened suddenly around him, and he moaned again. That moan quickly turned to a cry as, holding onto her hips, he bucked up and exploded inside her.

Date: 2011-05-13 01:45 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] theprivate-ryan.livejournal.com
For a few moments, she just stayed there, eyes closed, letting her body and his enjoy every last bit of the pleasure that they had found together. Finally, when her breathing had slowed and she felt him slipping from her, she moved, so that her body was beside him, close, and she was at an angle, chest to chest and face to face.

"You are a natural." Her voice was like the purr of a very happy and satisfied cat, as she ran her fingers along his hair and forehead. "That was incredible." Ryan kissed him gently, then more playfully, drawing him into the fun afterglow of sex. She really wanted to make this perfect for him, a time he would always remember with her, one so good that it would be his replacement for whatever first time he had before.

"Sleep here, tonight, with me. Every night, if you want." Almost feeling shy, she looked down into his eyes, hoping that he would never regret his choice. "I want to be close to you...be with you." It was as close as she could come to saying all of the things she felt, but it was a start.

Date: 2011-05-19 12:05 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] seesonlysmoke.livejournal.com
Altaaf's breathing slowly returned to normal, and as Ryan shifted to lie beside him, he looked at her very satisfied, very happy, and just loving her with his eyes. He loved that look on her face, suddenly aware that he had put it there.

The touch of their skin against skin kept him warm, and he had never known a closeness like this before. This was not wrong; it could not be wrong no matter what was said in the Holy Quran. "It is because I have such a wonderful guide to show me." He responded to her kisses, gentle and tender now as he enjoyed that afterglow for the first time. His hands explored, brushing over her skin, down her back, over her butt before gliding back up, and he thought he would never tire of touching her.

He blinked at her offer. "Stay with you?" It was something he had hoped for but not dared to think about too much on those nights where he had dreamt about Ryan. There were also the conflicts of his faith that he still tried to resolve. "Allah has guided me on his path for so long, but perhaps I should try a different one." He smiled softly, also having difficulty voicing the words he really wanted. "I want to be close to you, as well. Tonight and each night." He felt as if he never wanted their bodies to part, and this time it was he who kissed her. However, there was one thing he had to let her know, to be honest about. "Ryan, I do not sleep well, and I would not wish to disturb your sleep also."

Date: 2011-05-21 03:30 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] theprivate-ryan.livejournal.com
"I can handle that, Altaaf." She kissed him, again, nodding in understanding. She had heard him, a few times, when he had nightmares, and had wanted to go to him, but had worried that he might not welcome the intrusion. "I'd rather have you here with me, and fight back the monsters and ghosts with you, than to let you fight them all alone. Maybe, when they know that we are together and happy, they will let you go on and start over, free."

She moved up, so her breasts were against his chest, and her hair fell down like a curtain. "They had better let you go, or I'll kick their asses. It's time, you know? Time for you to have some happiness and peace."

So long as we can keep MY monsters out, because they love making messes of everything.

Ryan worried, inwardly, that all this bliss might be blown sky high, if Frankie or Alex showed up, because as much as she loved them, she doubted if Altaaf would understand Luxuria, an altar, Evan Kasparov or the myriad of adventures that she had had with these two men. Alex? He would be silky and sly, loving the idea of messing with the young jihadist. Frankie? He would take sadistic pleasure in making her squirm, and it ripping to pieces whatever normalacy she might enjoy. They wouldn't intentionally mean harm...well, Frankie might, a little...but harm is what they would bring, and she needed time to solidify this relationship, before being faced with her own beautiful monsters from the past.

"Let's take the same path, and sleep here, at the end of the day. I want you here, with me, every night. I'll be here for your nightmares, if you will be here for mine...deal?" Ryan looked down into those beautiful eyes, smiling with a lot more confidence than she felt in that second. Carolina once told her that life was all about enjoying the gifts of love, friendship and time, because they can be taken away in one, single, heartbeat. Ryan finally knew what her aunt meant, because her heart was beating against his, and she was going to keep it that way, for as long as possible. Ryan knew how to fight, and he was definitely worth fighting for.

Date: 2011-05-29 01:16 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] seesonlysmoke.livejournal.com
Perhaps, just perhaps, having Ryan close would help keep those ghosts who always invaded his sleep at bay...even make them disappear forever. Altaaf smiled as he kissed her back. "I hope so. I want to be so happy with you that they will allow me to leave them behind. Be part of my life that has no meaning anymore, now that I have one which does have."

The sensation of her breasts pushed against his own chest filled him with warmth, knowing their hearts beat so close to each other. He laughed quietly. "I believe that you would do that." Nodding, Altaaf drew back the curtain of her hair with a finger. "I am happy with you. More than I can ever remember being."

While, unbeknownst to him, Ryan worried about her own two particular monsters, he reflected on the day. This morning he had woken angry, confused, and unsure of his place in the world and with God. Now such a lot had seemed to change. Yes, he still wasn't sure about his faith, still had to reconcile his mixed feelings there, but it didn't feel so important. Although he had always known he was welcome here, he had felt like a guest with little sense of belonging. Now, at the end of that same day, he felt at home and comfortable for the first time he could truly remember. It wasn't just the sex, although it was a very good part of it, but just being with Ryan, in her arms. To be with her, he could possibly heal and move on.

"And I want to be here with you, every night." His head tilted as he looked back up at her, knowing she had a difficult past of her own, but not really what it was. Whatever it was, he would be there for her as she was for him. "Deal. We will help each other with our nightmares." Altaaf reached up to kiss her again, smiling and so very content to lie her with her.

Soon they would have to get something to eat and drink, but then they would return and spend the whole night together.

Date: 2011-06-08 02:28 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] theprivate-ryan.livejournal.com
"Yeah, I would do that. I'm happy and I'm not going to let any real or imaginary monsters mess that up."

The kiss he gave her was sweet, maybe the sweetest kiss she had ever had. Ryan returned it, letting it linger and then deepen, then back off, again. "I'm starving." Kissing down his jaw, to his neck, she growled a little, nipping by his ear. "Come on...let's go make something to eat, and feed the animals before they eat the sofa." One more kiss, and she rose lightly, sliding off the bed to go into the bathroom. After she freshened up a little, and checked her hair and makeup, she came out in a light cotton tank dress. It was dark green, and came down to her mid-thigh, and she wore a pair of matching boy briefs under it.

She went downstairs, and began to root around in the fridge. However, Rocker started to bark at her, whining by his empty bowls. "Oh, fine...big baby. You eat first." She bent and snatched up the metal dishes, and filled one with dry food and the other with cold water. The massive dog began to drink, slopping it all around the bowl with his enthusiasm. "Jeez, Rocker. Think you could be a little neater?" Ryan was just teasing, because she was in a great mood.

She opened the fridge, again, and took some onion and leftover roast chicken from the night before. "I could whip up a curry, if you want. We could eat on the couch and watch a movie or something?" She had learned how to make a pretty decent curry, for him, and she had even bought one of those cool rice makers for two, which made a side of jasmine rice come out just right. Turning from the chicken, she stepped up to kiss him, running her hands over his chest. He was so gorgeous and she couldn't keep her hands off for very long. And, really, why should she? It was her house, and they didn't have to be shy in there. Rocker wasn't offended by PDA.

"Mmmm...have to keep your strength up, after all."

Date: 2011-06-14 07:18 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] seesonlysmoke.livejournal.com
When Ryan got up to go to the bathroom, he wasn't sure what to do. Should he just wait here on the bed? Should he get dressed? Probably. But he didn't feel quite right. He should clean himself as well. Grabbing his clothes, he went to the bathroom attached to his own room. While he looked forward to sharing her bed, he didn't know if that meant the bathroom as well because that idea was a little strange to him.

Altaaf washed himself off as quickly as he could and changed into a loose fitting traditional kurta and pajama pants before coming back out and meeting Ryan in the hallway. He smiled a little shyly at her. Yes, he had loved what they had just done together, but it would take him a little time to be as confident and open about it as she was.

In the kitchen, he laughed at Rocker's enthusiasm for his food and water. It had taken him a little while to be at ease around such a big dog, as he had never had much to do with them because of his faith, but he had come to like him a lot. For those people the dog knew, especially if he knew Ryan liked them, he was like a loveable puppy.

"Curry is good." Altaaf couldn't help grinning. Ryan knew that he would say that. And she had learned to make very nice curries, with a few pointers along the way. From the couple of Indian meals they had eaten out, he had discovered that many people seemed to think the hotter a curry was the better, when in fact, most Asian liked to be able to taste their food. So he had made suggestions of different herbs and spices that would add flavour and not heat. "I would like a movie with you."

He was about to go to the cupboard where she knew she kept naan bread, all ready to go warm some up when she kissed him. Again it took him by surprise, but he recovered very well and very quickly and was soon enjoying her kiss fully. His hands were more tentative, but as Ryan clearly had no problem with so physically admiring him outside of the bedroom, why should he? He ran his hands along the length of her back.

Altaaf gave a giggle and shy smile at her comment. "In that case, I shall have to not slack on my workouts." Then he laughed again, realizing he may have just made his own little double entendre.

Date: 2011-07-01 08:03 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] theprivate-ryan.livejournal.com
Ryan caught the joke, and laughed out loud, charmed by his loosening up and playfulness. He was usually so shy, but she loved watching him come out of his shell, more and more, just for her. "I'll make sure you keep those workouts up, lots of cardio and push ups and...I better get back to the curry." While she had been talking, her hands had been running over his muscled chest and fingers had traced lower, to just about the belt line, before turning back to the stove.

She put some jasmine rice on, and then tossed some onions into a frying pan with some olive oil. It was nice to cook with him, and they did work well together, every day. It was comfortable, but not TOO comfortable, where they might begin to take each other for granted. She began to add spices, the way he had taught her. A pinch of saffron, then some other bits, and with the chicken already cooked, it didn't take long, at all. Ryan tossed some grapes, apples, nuts and a dressing together, so it would be a cool contrast to the curry.

"Mmmm, we're almost done." She turned off the stove, and slipped up behind him to kiss his neck, while putting her arms around his waist. "Pepsi? How about I put the plates together while you get the bread and drinks. We can sit at the coffee table, on the floor, while we eat."

In minutes, there were two plates of the great food, and Ryan shooed the dog outside to his patio shade, a nice spot that was fresh and cool for him to nap. Ryan washed her hands, and then brought the plates in to the low table. "So, what will it be? Comedy, musical, action...hmmm...?"

Date: 2011-08-15 03:22 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] seesonlysmoke.livejournal.com
His smile widened at making Ryan laugh. It felt good...right, even. And anyway, he liked her laugh, and her smile, and well, everything about her. Altaaf nodded, so very aware of where her fingers were and how good they felt, especially when they teased the top of his pants. "I do mostly weights and... Oh." He chuckled, catching onto what she had said. As Ryan turned back to the curry, he went back to heating up the naan on the griddle. Even though he was careful not to burn the flat bread, he kept stealing glances next to him. It felt so nice to do things together, just to be together. Altaaf felt more content than he had in a long time.

Turning in her arms, he returned her kiss with a light one of his own. "Pepsi sounds good." He still wasn't sure about drinking beer again as he had earlier and was glad of being offered just a soda. Perhaps he would again try alcohol but not until he had worked through his conflicts of faith.

He took out the bread as well as the drinks, setting them on the table. He also pulled down some of the cushions from the couch onto the floor for added comfort. "Er, I don't know. Something fun, light? A comedy or musical. Oh, a musical? I don't think I've seen a Western one, and I'd like to see if they are so different from Bollywood." He had a feeling they were.

Before they sat down, he took hold of Ryan's hand, smiling. "This...all of this. You are the best person I know. Shukran. And almost the most beautiful." He barely thought consciously about kissing her, and was doing so almost before he realized fully on her soft lips. Then he sat down, crossed legged, looking forward to their curry, the movie, and just enjoying sharing it all with Ryan as they sat so closely together.

Date: 2011-08-26 04:59 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] theprivate-ryan.livejournal.com
The kiss was very, very nice, especially because he had initiated it so easily. "Almost? Who outranks me?" Ryan was clearly joking, but she was curious as to who Altaaf thought was THE most beautiful. Was it that girl, Sufi? Yes, it might be a little sting, to not compare to his old girlfriend, but Ryan never thought of herself as beautiful, anyway. Altaaf was the most beautiful man she knew, inside and out. Only Alex came close to the absolute beauty of the Kashmiri native, with those green eyes. But Altaaf's body trumped Alex's, just by the edge. Frankie's body was incredible, but he lacked Altaaf's inner beauty that mattered a lot, too.

Before she sat down, she put a movie in the player. 'Grease' was a good musical to start with, certainly fun and light. Once she sat, and was close to him, Ryan took a piece of the naan and tore it into a smaller bit, to eat with a big bite of the curry. She was hungry, having worked up quite an appetite. After she chewed, and swallowed, she took a drink. "This movie is about...mmmm...thirty years old, and set in the sixties. It is really fun, though."

Date: 2011-09-19 11:08 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] seesonlysmoke.livejournal.com
There was no furious backpedalling like another man might have done, but he shook his head. "No, not outranks you. Your aunt is very beautiful." And Carolina was, in the classic sense, glamourous and elegant. "And my ammi." Altaaf didn't say whether which of his mothers he meant; Sufi did not cross his mind. "But you don't need to beautiful like them. You are so very pretty and kind, fun, and..." Sexy. "Caring. I am not saying this well, am I?" He had no real idea of how Ryan saw him and would have been surprised by it. With how he was forced to grow up, there was little reason to think of himself as being beautiful either.

He settled back on the cushions, tearing off a piece of naan for himself and scooping up some of the curry. "This is good! Just right." The movie started as he reached for another piece. As they watched, his shoulder was pressed against her, and he asked questions here and there about American schools. "Aren't they a bit old to be in school?" But Altaaf was enjoying the movie. She was right it was fun, and he especially enjoyed all the songs, but particularly 'Greased Lightning'.

Date: 2011-10-22 03:46 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] theprivate-ryan.livejournal.com
Any other girl might have been offended, and Ryan might have been offended with any other male saying those things. But Altaaf was honest, and she understood what he was meaning about Carolina. "My aunt is that kind of supermodel beautiful. I know what you mean. I'd like to see a picture of your mother...mothers. I bet they were both very pretty." Ryan tried to keep Altaaf's birth family in a normal place, a memory that might eventually settle into something not so nightmarish for him. She was touched at how he spoke, and questioned himself. So many guys she knew were just rude and played games, always trying to be cool. "You are saying it fine, Altaaf. I totally understand what you mean. I want to be pretty in your eyes, and you are definitely gorgeous in mine. That's what matters, right?"

Ryan ate, too, nodding and smiling, pleased by his praise. "I'm not much of a cook. But my Gran taught me some stuff. I make good Christmas cookies, though. I'm glad you like this." His questions about schools were cute, and she nodded when he said they looked old. "Actually, Olivia Newton-John was already a big singing star, then, and she was like...thirty? Yeah, Travolta was cool, though. He was handsome, then. Good dancer, too. I like Cha-Cha, that dancer that stole Danny during the dance. A girl has to go for it, to get what she wants."

The scene where Sandy dresses all slutty, to hook Danny, made Ryan grin. She watched Altaaf, and was singing along to 'You're the One That I Want'. "I got a movie from your country. We could watch that next, if you want, and you can tell me about it. Oooh, and I have a really old movie, called Singing in the Rain. It's from the thirties, with Gene Kelly. He was so cool."

Date: 2011-11-04 07:53 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] seesonlysmoke.livejournal.com
Altaaf smiled, glad that she had understood what he had meant. It surprised him, although it also felt good, to hear his mothers being spoken of in such an ordinary way. It wasn't something he was used to. He looked down into his lap for a second. "I don't have any photos. I never had a chance to...to find any." His smile was back but a little more wistful. "But I have them both here and here." He tapped a finger to his head and then his heart. Maybe one day, it would be possible to remember his family in a normal way, or maybe it wouldn't, but he was slowly learning how to think of his mother without the anger and grief that had always been there. And there was one person he could thank for that. "You are the prettiest person, inside and out. You show me to be a better person." He brushed over her compliment again, taking her hand and kissing her fingers. "You matter."

He shook his head. "I thnk you're good cook, and you have me looking forward to your Christmas just so I can have all the wonderful cookies you will make!" He laughed at the thought of a thirty year old playing a teenager. As for Cha-Cha "You are that kind of girl, I think, who gets what she wants." Now, he was grinning.

After a little while, he joined in with Ryan as she sang, blushing just slightly at the chorus. Then, with the credits rolling, he considered the choices. "The Bollywood one." It was an older film that he had seen a long time ago and remembered liking as it had a lot of singing and dancing, even for a Bollywood film. Once it was on, he shifted closer to Ryan as it was really pleasant kind of snuggled next to her. As for the movie, he found it highly amusing comparing the Hindi dialogue to the subtitles and pointing out the differences to Ryan.

Date: 2011-12-09 01:07 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] theprivate-ryan.livejournal.com
"I bet Aunt Caro can find some. She has connections with some big shots in security and governments, and I bet she can get them on the down low." That would be a great thing, Ryan thought, if her aunt or even Lexi could get Altaaf some photos that he could keep and treasure. It would have to be pretty sneaky, but Carolina has a million connections and...well..sneaky was Alex's middle name...in Russian, probably.

Ryan couldn't remember when she felt this girly with anyone. Usually, with Frankie, he'd be dead drunk and slapping her on the ass, telling her to get the fuck out if she didn't like it. It was different to be treated nice, but she kind of liked it. "I get what I want because I don't let other people tell me what to do. You became the same way, Altaaf, when you started thinking for yourself. It's cool. Not many people do that, you know? They're like sheep...or lemmings! You know, they all follow each other off a cliff?" She imitated the cliff fall with her hands and the sound effects of squeaky little animals.

The snuggling was nice, though it was a little hard to follow the movie with him so close and warm and so male. She tried to pronounce some words, but it was definitely hard to understand a lot of it, especially with the subtitles being so off. "Bollywood movies seem to have a lot of just breaking out in dance and singing, like old, old Hollywood movies. I bet you would like West Side Story. That's a good one. But you guys don't have the love scenes like ours. American movies can get pretty graphic."

Date: 2011-12-16 05:03 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] seesonlysmoke.livejournal.com
He tried not to think that Ryan's suggestion was possible, but the hope was there in his eyes. Ryan's family had powerful connections but could even those find a few old photos that were probably long lost? "If she can do that, she would have my deepest thanks as well as my admiration." It saddened him greatly that he could barely remember what his family looked like, and with photos, he would have something to remember them by, and Neelima as well, although that was more recent.

"But for so long I didn't. I let myself be led by an evil man." He cast his gaze downward at the memory. It was still a difficult part of his past to get over. Then, out of the edge of his eye, he saw Ryan's little impression. Altaaf smile, and when she did the squeaks, he was laughing with her. That was just one of the wonderful things about her. She could pull him out of dwelling on the past and make him happy again.

He didn't laugh at her sometimes odd pronounciations and did his best to help her. "They do, but they just wouldn't be the same without dancing and singing. It's a big part of our...culture. I have heard of that movie, that the dancing is ver good." He shook his head, thinking for a second. "No, we don't. I think seeing scenes like that would be embarrassing, like having a...what's the word?... Peeping Tom? Even a kiss in Bollywood is scandalous, but sometimes the songs are where the...love scenes would be."

Grinning, he stood up suddenly and held his hand out for Ryan. "Let me show you some steps, please."

Date: 2012-01-13 06:59 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] theprivate-ryan.livejournal.com
"I'll talk to my aunt, and her brother. I bet they can find some." Ryan kissed his cheek, confident that it could be done. The combined connections and wealth of Alex and Carolina would achieve success...she hoped. "Altaaf, you were young and you were in pain from the loss and shock. That guy used you and when you realized what he was doing, you fought back and did the right thing. I'm proud of you."

Ryan had been a ballet student since she was old enough to walk. The damage to her knee ended her dance on a high level, but she still loved it, and was pretty graceful. She reached up to put her hand in his, and rose up to stand with him. "Okay, you teach me your dances, and I'll show you how to do ballet. Then we can show each other more things...all kinds of things."

Another song was coming on, in the Bollywood movie, and she waited for him to teach her the dance. It was wonderful to see him all lit up, and happy. Ryan hoped that this optimism and joy could keep going on and on.

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Altaaf Khan

November 2012

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